There was a stretch last winter when my Bible sat on the arm of the same chair for eleven days. I know it was eleven because I finally picked it up to dust underneath, and the clean rectangle on the wood told on me.
Nothing dramatic had happened. I hadn't gotten angry at God or decided anything. I was just busy, and busy is quieter than rebellion. That's what makes it dangerous.
Most of us don't lose our closeness with Jesus in one decision. We misplace it the way you misplace reading glasses — a little at a time, in rooms you walk through every day.
So how do you grow a relationship with Someone you can't see across the kitchen table? Not by trying harder in your own strength. Ellen White put her finger on the exact mistake I keep making: "Many have an idea that they must do some part of the work alone. They have trusted in Christ for the forgiveness of sin, but now they seek by their own efforts to live aright. But every such effort must fail" (Steps to Christ, p. 69).
Every such effort must fail. She doesn't leave a back door open there.
Daily and hourly — not Sabbath to Sabbath
The growth happens in the connection, not the effort. "It is by communion with Him, daily, hourly, — by abiding in Him, — that we are to grow in grace. He is not only the Author, but the Finisher of our faith. It is Christ first and last and always" (Steps to Christ, p. 69).
Daily and hourly. That phrase reorganized my week more than any devotional plan ever has.
David said it this way: "I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved" (Psalm 16:8). Set — present tense, ongoing, something you keep doing. Enoch lived there. "He made Christ his constant companion. He was in the world, and performed his duties to the world; but he was ever under the influence of Jesus.... His was a constant growth" (SDA Bible Commentary, vol. 6, p. 1097).
Constant growth is the opposite of what most of us actually run on, which is spiritual sprinting. A retreat weekend, a conviction, three weeks of five a.m. mornings, then February. Ellen White saw it coming: "A fitful experience is of little value. The impulsive effort to overcome is often as impulsively discontinued as begun" (Review and Herald, May 1, 1888).
I've been that person. Bought the journal and everything.
Fiber by fiber
The picture Jesus gave us isn't a schedule. It's a graft. "I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing" (John 15:5).
Ellen White walks all the way into that image: "The scion is engrafted into the living vine, and fiber by fiber, vein by vein, it grows into the vine stock. The life of the vine becomes the life of the branch.... The sinner unites his weakness to Christ's strength, his emptiness to Christ's fullness, his frailty to Christ's enduring might" (The Desire of Ages, p. 675).
Read that middle list again slowly. Weakness to strength. Emptiness to fullness. Frailty to enduring might. Notice what you bring to the union — you bring the deficit. That's the whole contribution. Every time I catch myself trying to clean up before I come to Him, I'm trying to bring a healthy branch to a graft, which is exactly the thing that won't take.
And a graft doesn't happen once and coast. E. J. Waggoner said the Christian "must continually feed on Christ. A man cannot live a year, a month, or even a week without spiritual food anymore than he can live and grow physically without daily partaking of literal food" (Signs of the Times, vol. 12, p. 535).
Nobody eats Sunday dinner on Sunday and calls it a week.
You become whatever you stare at
Here's the mechanism, and it's simpler than we make it: "As we make Christ our daily companion we shall feel that the powers of an unseen world are all around us; and by looking unto Jesus we shall become assimilated to His image. By beholding we become changed. The character is softened, refined, and ennobled for the heavenly kingdom" (Thoughts From the Mount of Blessing, p. 85). Paul said the same: "But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord" (2 Corinthians 3:18).
Which means the reverse is also true, and this is the part I'd rather skip. "We shall never grow in grace by beholding the faults and mistakes and defects of someone else. Instead, we will become spiritually dwarfed and enfeebled" (The Paulson Collection, p. 318).
Spiritually dwarfed. I have felt that exact shrinking after a week of quietly cataloguing what's wrong with people I love. It doesn't feel like sin while you're doing it. It feels like discernment. Then you go to pray and there's nothing there.
The room has to be emptied before it can be filled. "How is it possible that we may grow in grace? It is possible to us only as we empty our hearts of self, and present them to Heaven, to be molded after the divine Pattern" (SDA Bible Commentary, vol. 7, p. 947).
Graces don't arrive in a box
"But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ" (2 Peter 3:18). Grow is a verb you do, not a package you receive.
D. T. Bourdeau said it plainly back in 1864: "If we would have faith we must exercise faith.... If we would have patience we must cultivate and exercise patience; if we would possess humility we must humble our own souls by practice.... The Christian graces are not bestowed upon us without our co-operation.... God does not work for us to uphold us in idleness; but he works for us by helping us to work for ourselves" (Sanctification, p. 111).
That's not works-righteousness. It's the difference between owning a piano and playing one.
Patience isn't handed to you in a quiet moment with your coffee. It's handed to you in traffic on Highway 27, and you either take it or you don't. "We must watch, we must pray, we must obey the requirements of God.... We must grow up into Christ by constant connection with Him" (Selected Messages, book 2, p. 123).
The love shows up as errands
You can tell how the connection is doing by watching where your attention goes when someone's in trouble.
"If you are in communion with Christ, you will place His estimate upon every human being. You will feel for others the same deep love that Christ has felt for you.... When you see those who are going down to death, you will not rest in quiet indifference and ease" (Christ's Object Lessons, p. 197).
Ellen White's assessment of us as a people still stings: "As a people, we are not doing one fiftieth of what we might do as active missionaries. If we were only vitalized by the Holy Spirit, there would be a hundred missionaries where there is now one" (Counsels on Health, p. 507).
One fiftieth. Written a century ago and I can't get out from under it.
You also can't do this alone, and I've watched people try. "In order to grow up into the full stature of men and women in Christ Jesus, it is necessary to search the Scriptures prayerfully, and to have fellowship with those who love and fear God" (Review and Herald, December 11, 1894). Not fellowship as in a potluck line. Fellowship as in people who will ask you a real question and wait for the answer.
Getting ready without getting grim
Here's where I want to correct something a lot of us picked up somewhere along the way — the idea that preparing for Jesus to come should feel heavy.
"Day by day cast the love of the world out of your hearts. Understand by experience what it means to have fellowship with Christ. Prepare for the Judgment, that when Christ shall come... you may be among those who will meet Him in peace" (Christian Experience and Teachings, p. 233).
Meet Him in peace. Not in panic.
Ellen White was asked once whether anyone ever saw her gloomy or complaining, and her answer was no — she had a faith that forbid it. "A hearty, willing service to Jesus produces a sunny religion. Those who follow Christ the most closely have not been gloomy" (Counsels for the Church, p. 21).
If your walk with Jesus has made you harder to live with, something's gone sideways in the connection, not in the standard.
And the promise underneath all of it: "Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy" (Jude 24). He's able. The one condition attached is total, not partial — "God can not do this work for you unless you give him all the powers of heart and mind" (Youth's Instructor, May 10, 1900).
I dusted the chair, picked the Bible back up, and started again the next morning. That's it. That's the whole comeback story. He was never the one who moved.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I grow my relationship with Jesus?
Grow your relationship with Jesus through daily and hourly communion with Him — prayer, prayerful Bible study, and active service — while depending on His strength rather than your own willpower. Ellen White summarized it as uniting "his weakness to Christ's strength, his emptiness to Christ's fullness" (The Desire of Ages, p. 675). Practically, that means showing up every day, not perfectly, and letting the connection do the work that effort can't.
How much time should I spend with God each day?
There's no required number of minutes in Scripture, but the pattern taught is continual, not occasional. Jesus described abiding in the vine (John 15:5), and Psalm 16:8 speaks of setting the Lord always before you. A protected morning time anchors the day; short prayers through it keep the line open. Consistency matters more than length — fifteen honest minutes daily beats two hours once a month.
Why does my spiritual life feel stuck?
Spiritual growth usually stalls for one of three reasons: the connection has become occasional instead of daily, self hasn't been emptied out to make room, or attention has drifted onto other people's faults. Ellen White warned that beholding the faults of others leaves us "spiritually dwarfed and enfeebled" (The Paulson Collection, p. 318). Check where your attention has been living for the past two weeks. That's usually the answer.
Can I grow closer to Jesus if I don't feel anything?
Yes. Growth in grace is measured by union with Christ and obedience to Him, not by emotional intensity. Ellen White specifically cautioned that "a fitful experience is of little value" (Review and Herald, May 1, 1888), pointing instead to steady, persistent advancement. Feelings follow the relationship; they don't verify it.
Does serving others really help my own relationship with Christ?
It does, and the connection runs both directions. Communion with Christ produces His love for people ("you will feel for others the same deep love that Christ has felt for you," Christ's Object Lessons, p. 197), and acting on that love keeps the spiritual life vital. Counsels on Health, p. 507 ties efficiency in service directly to "a vital connection with God." Service isn't the overflow after growth — it's part of how growth happens.
What did Ellen White say about how to grow in grace?
Her clearest statement is in Steps to Christ, p. 69: "It is by communion with Him, daily, hourly, — by abiding in Him, — that we are to grow in grace." She adds in SDA Bible Commentary, vol. 7, p. 947 that growth is possible "only as we empty our hearts of self, and present them to Heaven, to be molded after the divine Pattern." Union first, emptying second, practice third.
Sources
Scripture (KJV): Psalm 16:8; John 15:5; 2 Corinthians 3:18; 2 Peter 3:18; Jude 24
Ellen G. White:
- Steps to Christ, p. 69 (1892)
- The Desire of Ages, p. 675 (1898)
- Thoughts From the Mount of Blessing, p. 85 (1896)
- Christ's Object Lessons, p. 197 (1900)
- Counsels on Health, p. 507 (1923)
- Christian Experience and Teachings of Ellen G. White, p. 233 (1922)
- Counsels for the Church, p. 21
- Medical Ministry, pp. 255, 332 (1932)
- Selected Messages, book 2, p. 123; book 3, p. 201
- SDA Bible Commentary, vol. 6, p. 1097; vol. 7, p. 947
- Mind, Character, and Personality, vol. 1, p. 331
- The Paulson Collection of Ellen G. White Letters, p. 318
- Christian Service, p. 169 (1925)
- Manuscript Releases, vol. 3, p. 204; No. 926, p. 65
- From Heaven With Love, p. 453
- Letters and Manuscripts, vol. 7, Lt 5b, 1891, par. 28
- Review and Herald, May 1, 1888; December 11, 1894
- Signs of the Times, December 21, 1891; January 16, 1893; January 29, 1902; May 28, 1902; September 7, 1904
- The Present Truth (UK), August 31, 1899
- The Youth's Instructor, May 10, 1900
- Suggestions to Those Holding Missionary Conventions, p. 5 (1903)
Other Adventist pioneers:
- E. J. Waggoner, The Signs of the Times, vol. 12, p. 535 (1886)
- D. T. Bourdeau, Sanctification, p. 111 (1864)
All Scripture quotations are from the King James Version. Quotes from Ellen G. White and other Adventist pioneer writers are drawn from public domain sources, cited above.
